Australian Woman Blows 378

Er…I meant to say she blows .378 after being pulled over under suspicion of driving under the influence. Police were surprised that she was able to stay conscious long enough to drive an automobile, given her reading of over eight times the legal limit.

You wonder if she’s still conscious really, but the chances of her injuring herself and, more importantly, other road users is extremely high.

Staff Sergeant Gary Eddiehausen

A blood alcohol reading that high is approaching “toxic” levels according to the report.

Couple of things come to mind here. First, there are probably easier ways to commit suicide. Two, they have these things called “cabs” now. They are a remarkable invention: they drive you home safely when you are drunk.


Jamie Pressly DUI

jaime pressly mug shot
jamie pressly mug shot

Well, I have to be honest here: this is the first I’ve ever googled her name or oogled her cleavage, and I’ve never seen an episode of My Name Is Earl. That sort of thing just cuts into my bourbonhours, and is generally to be avoided. However, she did come to the attention of the ever-alert news desk when she was recently charged on suspicion of driving under the influence.

At this time, there is no confirmation of her blood alcohol reading. She was released on $15,000.00 bail, which indicates an amount higher than .15, but that’s speculation at this point.


Watch Your Step In Kelowna

According to a recent study conducted by the Canadian Centre for Substance Abuse, one in four Kelowna drivers is driving under the influence of alcohol between 1:00 – 3:00 a.m. In addition, one in eight drivers are under the influence of illegal drugs. Advice from the safety-desk: try to be indoors in Kelowna between the hours in question.


School Superintendent DUI: We Give Him an F

Richard Mextorf, a State College Area School District Superintendent in Pennsylvania, was recently charged with driving under the influence after posting a blood-alcohol reading of .316. Police pulled him over after receiving a tip about a Jeep Grand Cherokee being driven “erratically”, alternately swerving into oncoming traffic  and onto the shoulder.

Despite being followed under full sirens for 2 miles, the driver only noticed that he was being hailed by police when the officer pulled along side the Grand Cherokee and indicated for the vehicle to pull over. Mr. Mextorf  failed roadside drunk tests and was arrested under suspicion of driving under the influence.

While Mr. Mextorf did score well in his breathalyser exam (a high mark of 3 times the legal limit!), we give him a failing grade as a class A dumb-ass for getting behind the wheel despite being completely cow-pied.


David Cassidy Blames Wandering Eye

There’s been further developments on the David Cassidy DUI front. Mr. Cassidy allegedly failed two roadside drunk tests, appeared to be unable to stand upright during the tests, and was “swaying while standing” according to the arresting officers. Mr. Cassidy now claims this problem was a result of eye-problems he has had since childhood.

Also, video footage has been posted showing portions of the drunk test. We have viewed the footage and can only comment on the seeming inability of Mr. Cassidy to receive instructions, and of the attending officer’s growing exasperation with same. From the audio, Mr. Cassidy does not sound obviously tanked, but he does appear to be unsteady on his feet. There was a half-empty bottle of bourbon found on the floor of his car at the scene.


Drinking To Forget You Baby: Man Can’t Remember Driving

Kane Hitchman, a 22 year old resident of Fielding New Zealand, was recently convicted of driving under the influence after police found him and his car in a ditch after a night of  heavy drinking. The man didn’t remember getting in his car and driving home, but he did recall drinking at least 8 bourbons earlier in the evening. At the inquest he was at a bit of a loss to explain himself:

…must’ve been too much. I don’t know though, it’s a bit of a guess. I didn’t even know I drove. I’m not too sure [why I drove], trying to get home I suppose.

The legal limit in New Zealand is 80 milligrams of alcohol per millilitre of blood in cases of drunk driving. Evidence presented at the inquest showed Mr. Hitchman had a blood alcohol count that was more than twice this amount on the night in question.

Well, eight bourbons is one thing but the stupidity behind having eight bourbons (and you can safely assume that in addition to the 8 drinks he remembered having there were several more that he didn’t) and then driving is another thing altogether. There is a jackass born every minute….


Bush Charged with Drunk Driving

George W Bush
George W Bush

No, not that Bush, Jacqueline Bush of Clarksville Tennessee. The mother of two children aged five and 11-months was pulled over smelling of alcohol and slurring her speech, according to reports. The children were in the car with her at the time of her arrest.

You know, if you’re gonna drink and drive, i suggest Grand Theft Auto as a safer alternative….


David Cassidy Claims He Wasn’t Drunk

David Cassidy Mug Shot
I have not been (hic) drinking. Honest.

The former Partidge Family star was recently charged with a DUI, but is contesting the charge. He claims it was –ahem — pain-killers at fault. Not surprisingly, the cops weren’t buying his acting on scene. TMZ is covering this story but we thought we’d gratuitously post a note here in keeping with our open policy on booze news. This would be one for the “cautionary” side…

UPDATE: it is being reported that Cassidy was found with a half-empty bottle of bourbon in his car. It is also noted that he failed “several” drunk tests. He is still maintaining his innocence, claiming it was “pain killers and fatigue” that made his driving all erratic. In other news, the devil made me do it.