Jim Beam Jacked in Joondalup: Jeepers

A thief stole four bottles of Jim Beam from a Joondalup liquor outlet and attempted a getaway on foot. He was pursued by the store manager and confronted in a nearby parking lot. The manager was aided by a group of youths, who attempted to assist. The man in question dropped two of the bottles and brandished a machete, threatening the group. He escaped with two bottles of Jim Beam. Police are investigating the incident.

The Bourbonhours news desk is attempting to ascertain the whereabouts of the two bottles the perpetrator dropped.

source: http://www.watoday.com.au/

Man Attempts Matricide For Southern Comfort

A Phoenix AZ man has been arrested and charged with second degree attempted murder after he allegedly tried to strangle and beat his mother with a chain necklace. The man in question is Robert Conley, a 31 years old resident of Apache Junction. According to reports he was drinking Southern Comfort in his mother’s Phoenix apartment. When she arrived home and found him there she poured out the remainder of the booze, which apparently led to Conley’s violence.

This is obviously terribly sad for the mother, who received multiple injuries as a result of the attack. Mr. Conley has apparently threatened to kill other members of his family when he gets out of jail.

I always said nothing good could come from Southern Comfort.

source: http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/

Man and Child On Outing, Stop to Steal Booze

From the “you can’t make this crap up” category, the Geelong Advertiser is reporting on a crime leaning to the bizarre side of the bar. The report says that a man in his mid thirties with what looked to be a six year old male child was seen leaving a liquor store with six cases of hard liquor (Jim Beam and Jack Daniels apparently). He was followed out by a manager and accosted in his car, but he drove off after bumping a group who were trying to help apprehend him.

Fatherly love huh?

source: http://www.geelongadvertiser.com.au/

Jim Beams Shot: the Bartender Did It

Crystal Bowen-Davis, a Columbus Mississippi (cues jingle for spelling help) bartender is charged with aggravated assault after shooting James Ross Beams with a .45 caliber handgun during a bar-room scuffle at the Quarter Bar, where Ms Bowen-Davis was working on the night in question. According to reports, Ms. Bowen-Davis witnessed the victim and several others engage in a bar fight. She left the room, came back waving her handgun, and fired a shot that struck the victim.

This brings me to one of the central tenets we hold dear in the bourbonhours.com bar-room: always shoot your Jim Beams with a glass, never a gun.

source: http://www.wtva.com/

It Wasn’t the 11 Shots of Jack Daniels, Honest

Anthony Guarino’s lawyer is arguing that the eleven shots of Jack Daniels his client drank prior to getting in his car and driving were not  to blame for the accident that claimed the life of 65 year old Marc Durham. Instead, the lawyer is floating the idea that a condition called “micro-sleep” induced temporary unconsciousness in the driver, and was the cause of the chain-reaction car accident that killed Mr. Durham. Mr. Guarino is facing a number of charges related to the incident in a Rancho Bernardo courtroom, and the prosecution in the case is arguing that the eleven shots of Jack Daniels the defendant drank prior to driving was a more likely reason for the accident.

The bourbonhours verdict: we’ll leave it up to the California justice system to mete out its determination of the evidence. We will however ascribe the label of dumb-ass on Anthony Guarino for draining 11 shots of good whiskey and then driving. Nothing good can come of that.

source: http://ranchobernardo.patch.com/

Burglar Takes a Break For Jim Beam

Jim Beam in a can
Jim Beam in a can

Alexander Walker of Rockhampton (AU) appeared in court yesterday to face charges for breaking and entering at the Cambridge Hotel back in December. He pleaded guilty to the charges. Apparently, the 25 year old father of five was drunk on the night in question, and tried to break into the closed hotel by leaning on the door. That didn’t work, so he tried a rock. That too failed so he picked up a piece of lumber and broke a glass panel, gaining entrance. He proceeded to steal 11.00 in change and sat down at the bar, opening himself a can of Jim Beam. That’s where the cops found him.

source: http://www.themorningbulletin.com.au/

Australian Woman Blows 378

Er…I meant to say she blows .378 after being pulled over under suspicion of driving under the influence. Police were surprised that she was able to stay conscious long enough to drive an automobile, given her reading of over eight times the legal limit.

You wonder if she’s still conscious really, but the chances of her injuring herself and, more importantly, other road users is extremely high.

Staff Sergeant Gary Eddiehausen

A blood alcohol reading that high is approaching “toxic” levels according to the report.

Couple of things come to mind here. First, there are probably easier ways to commit suicide. Two, they have these things called “cabs” now. They are a remarkable invention: they drive you home safely when you are drunk.

source: http://www.news.com.au/

Rip Torn Guilty, No Jail Time

Rip Torn Mugshot
Rip Torn

Rip Torn pleaded guilty this week to a number of charges relating to an incident that took place last January 21st in Salisbury Connecticut. The charges arose when Torn broke into a Litchfield Bancorp bank he mistook for his own home, carrying a loaded pistol in his pocket (he had no permit for the gun). After breaking into the bank he carefully removed his cowboy boots and wool cap, placing them neatly by the door, lending credence to his own testimony that he thought he had arrived back at his own home after a night of heavy drinking. When he found his keys didn’t work, he naturally broke a window to gain entry. His blood alcohol reading was more than twice the legal limit when he was tested by police.

As a result of the sentence, Torn will face a two and a half year suspended sentence and a three year probation.

source: http://www.baltimoresun.com/

Yorkshire Teenager Gets Drunk, Commits Murder

Wayne Wardle, a 19 year old resident of Wellstone Garth, Bramley, Leeds was convicted of murder and sentenced to life imprisonment with a minimum incarceration of 20 years for stabbing Sean Rodgers, a 20 year old father of a three year old child. The stabbing occurred after Wardle had put away 10 pints of cider and several Jack Daniels at a pub where both individuals were visiting. The men became involved in an argument outside the pub, with Wardle apparently losing face in an exchange involving their girlfriends.

Desiring revenge, Mr. Wardle contacted the victim on the phone later in the evening and managed to arrange a late-night confrontation between the two of them. In the ensuing altercation, he stabbed Mr. Rodgers in the abdomen with a butterfly knife. Mr. Rodgers died as a result of the injuries.

Strike another blow for the stupidity of drunken violence. I just wish these idiots would lay off the Jack Daniels.

source: http://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/